It became so clear

Last night while sleeping I had one of those moments when everything became so clear.  I will back up start from the beginning.  I knew from the time I was about 12 years old that I wanted to adopt a child someday.  I have always felt that all children come from God and he has a plan for each of them and knew that if I had a family and home that I would provide that to a child.  Chad and I talked about this many times and we always left is as we would pray about it and ask God to show us his plan.  There were many little things that began so show both of us that is something we would like to look into. One example of this is that we both had been having the same dream for a long time but had no idea where it was or why we couldn't understand what anyone was saying.   A little over a year ago we decided that we would look into adoption a little farther.  We began to talk to people and request a lot of information.  We were getting to the place that it just may really happen and quite honestly I began to get cold feet.  I just didn't know how I was going to be able to be a good mother to the 3 boys we have while doing all the paperwork required let alone leave them to go oversees. Not even to mention the added duties and dividing our time that happens when adding another child to our family.  Then came that crazy week when Eric had surgery to get his tonsils out and tubes in.  A few hours after we got him home from the hospital Tyler came down with H1N1, and wow was it hard to be Mama that week.  I was trying to keep a recovering little one, away from a pretty sick boy.  And of course there was wild man Wesley in the mix.  Chad was a huge help but after they just got to feeling a little better he really needed to go on an emergency trip.  I prayed many times that week that God take the feeling of wanting to adopt off my heart if it wasn't right for our family.  I just couldn't see how we would handle another child.  The following Monday, Tyler was back to school and I took Eric and Wesley to daycare so I could have a few hours by myself.  I decided to go to town to begin my Christmas shopping.  On the way to town I prayed that if God really did want us to adopt a child that he would give us a sign.  All day I had a feeling that I have never had before.  I just had a sense that God was right there with me.  I didn't get much shopping done as I was so distracted with my thoughts and feelings.  While in Target I saw some Christmas music and thought maybe that would cheer me up.  Without even looking at the songs I put one in my cart that said Christmas Praise Music. That evening was crazy as ever with boys running in every direction.  I put my new CD in and remember thinking that it was way to hip hop for me right now and was really giving me a headache.  I would have normally turned off music that was too much as I really don't like extra noise but for some reason I left it on.  I got the boys in the shower.  I can remember as clear as it was yesterday, I was loading the dishwasher and I told God that his sign better be a big one after the week I'd had.  At that very moment our house got absolutely silent and this song came on. The tears came down my cheeks and I knew at that very moment that God had a child for our family and it was up to us to find her.  Since that day I have never had a doubt that this is what is right for family.  What came to me in my sleep last night, so clearly that I had to get up to verify it on my calendar and my journal, was that the very day that I heard this song on my new CD is the exact day that our little Josie was born.  Oct 19, 2009.